Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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