Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
