I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
