Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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