I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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