i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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