Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
