Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
