the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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