I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
