I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
