I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
