you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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