Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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