So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
