Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
