I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
