Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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