If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
