It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
