apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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