Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
