Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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