nutella sex= disaster
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
