he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
