Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
