I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is Oprah even human
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
