the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
