I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my phone needs a breathalizer
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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