Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
