Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
