let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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