honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Porn is love you can see.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
