Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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