i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
