Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
