If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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