The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
