but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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