what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
