you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
