your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
