After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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