ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
