I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
