He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
