You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
