I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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