seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
