no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you guys were way drunker than both of me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
